Depression

Nothing really happened
I opened my eyes in the midnight
Started to cry and realised
I had it.

I’m feeling sick and weak
I’m not ready yet to face the life
And I won’t let them to see the truth
My lies keep me perfectly fine
I wonder how long will it take
I will die soon or they will see how crazy I am?

„Why are you so sad?
So melancolic and antisocial?
You don’t like us?
What is your problem?
Why don’t you speak?
You’re so mysterious and weird.”

Laying down and cry all night
Going to the bathroom and hide my tears
Cough before a phone call
Forge a smile and put glasses on my red eyes

„We sorry for how we treated you
It wasn’t ok it happened to you
You deserve better than this
Did you ever try a psychologist?
You should get some help”

A maniac stage and a normal one
Knock on my mind’s door
And make my situation worse
Because I’m wearing a mask
But after a while, the depression says „hi”

64

Sixty four, my sweet outdoor
Perfection without a direction
Infinity from multiplying divinity
Nameless, but shameless
Strong enough and never wrong
Smooth like a pray for ruth

Connection by natural selection
Love brought by a white dove
A cure for wellness and no lure
Universe answer, unfair curse
Deep circle in a powerful purple
Inspire from the sky, I need a fire
Artsy world for a mental disorder

Desire for a dream with blank theme
Have a chance or do a dance
Soul awakening and moon coloring
Rainbow above all makes them glow
Insecurity in the obscurity
Heartbreaking moments with the poets

Be aware of who you are
On the edge we meet ourselves
Nobody deserves ignorance
Cities are burning from infirmity
In warm hands we should trust
Unity keeps us healthier and stronger

Sirens and violins before funeral
Ivy tattoo and a rocker in the tree
Xanax pills to awake in the dream
Teen spirit and the hippie style
Yawn before a long damaged trip

Films and popcorn in cinema
Only kids allowed to watch it
Useless brains without creativity
Rusty people inside the box

Anne discovered the biggest secret

Lots of rules and no mercy
Imitating equality and respect
That’s how we lie to each other
Thanks to ignorance and fright
Limits keep us in an open box
Encourging us to never look up

Grey sky and dark eyes
Images of truth fly away
Ring finger with a diamond
Lonely time spent in the couple
Suicidal dreams before sweet sleep

Pumpkin taste on my thoughts
Orange vibe in my emotions
Effy is still quite and depressed
Timeless moments of suffering
River’s music into the woods
You are the water of my life

Season of horror stories, friday the 13th
Money and a coin in my deck
Whistle in the night for my demons
Special death and Bill is smiling
Groupie love under the moonlight

Born to be the other woman
Sensuality and deeper connection
Men’s attention on the blonde girl
Bloody attitude and whisper after heaven
Cherry infinity on my lipstick
Moans in the hotel rooms, on the beach
Goddess in the pool forever

I’m 64, I’m the one.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A photo of Tina Aumont.

Open road

I was in the winter of my life when I started to look for people who can take care of me. In the beggining it was tough, I felt the whispers behind my back wherever I went. I tried to recover from inner bruises step by step and I succeeded in time. Streets were alone, with me by their side. Cars stopped and I smiled. No one asked about my story, no one tried to give me advises and it felt right. I didn’t look back at my past and I never pause on my way. Everything seemed perfectly fine and I was warm for the first time. I discovered my happiness nearly to a bunch of strangers so I kept to walk on my road.
I don’t need to be in a sticky situation. I don’t need boys who wear an appearance of men. My lovers keep my heart warm and my enthusiasm can be seen in my eyes. Freedom is when I meet the open road and when the unsafe place become the only one who protects me. I’m in love with fantasies. I sing a lullaby every night and I pray for new adventures. I dance under the stars and I scream with an attitude. I’m the baby of my soul partners. I’m Lolita.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Inspired by a Lana Del Rey song, „Ride”.

Mother Earth

Blue dragon-fly above the river
Stones filter the downstream water
Trees have an eye hidden in the trunck
Birds are singing and knock the branches
Multicolor butterflies arround the forest
Woods on the ground, molded by humans
Grass and flowers and moss everywhere
Peaceful sounds of a falling water
A fresh natural smell in the clean air

We need to love our Mother
I love our Mother
The purest goddess of all times

Calming vibes from flying insects
Warm spots on my skin from fairies
Light energy from the sunshine of sky
We drink the vibrations of trees
We dance from our inner wild soul
We celebrate our animal friends
We taste the piece of life that we have
Abounding in gratefulness for our Mother

We admire and desire the power
The protector of us is our Mother
We love our Mother
The purest goddess of all times

Seeing the happiness with my heart
Hearing the green atmosphere
Into the woods I found my spirit
We are ready to go on an adventure
Running. Bare feet. Extremely high.

Goddess

Red painted nails and sweet lips
Soft feet extended with thin ankles
Long legs and catwalk moves
Gentle hands and sublime massage
Blue veins under delicate skin
Wavy hair and seductive perfume
Moonlight eyes like a deep ocean
White powder on the holy bible
Cattish attitude and moans
Her presence is a blessing

A goddess with the energy of a coffee
Pink peach with taste of Lipton Ice Tea
You can desire her for a lifetime
Live natural with cherries and thyme

Curiosity for books and movies
Pleasure in knowledge and feelings
Too young to be thrown in a coffer
Her tears come from the clouds
No fear for a little fire and smoke
In the night she prays for adventures
The mirror reflects a rainbow queen
Can’t think of a boring reality when
she has so much creativity to express
You can call her Lo, the Little one
Maybe play with her in a dark park
Bare feet, the girl doesn’t care

Eleven

11:11

I’m my own heaven

Angel kisses on my skin

Cherry lips and morphine

Awaking in the dark

Poisoned sugar in my heart

Vanilla taste in my dreams

Sunshine protection creams

Growing as a human being

Love is more than a feeling

Fetish means no shame

But I play a cattish game

Silver stars under my feet

Freedom belief is sweet

Flying in a cloudy hollow

My squirrels should follow

Crying in my happiness

Melancholy is flawless

11:11

You’re the best heaven

In the basement

The way you stare into my eyes
And lock the door of your basement
With me inside and you outside
I’m starving here, everyday
But every evening you come
With peaceful thoughts and gentle moves
You give me pieces of food
I’m aware of your kindness
You take care of me, thank you!

I’m your girl, please sleep with me
Do what you want with my body
I have my duties as your lover
I’ll stay clean and quiet
I won’t break the chain from my foot
I won’t upset you, I promise!

And if you forget again about me
I’ll understand you are busy
And your work is more important
than my airs and graces, poor girl
I won’t cry when you’ll beat me
My wounds are hidden under my clothes
I’ll try my best to be beautiful for you

Unlock the door and I won’t leave
Trust me, I am yours, babe.